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1x1.trans | New website causes media sensation, freshens breath while you read

Enjoy the new and improved AM:PM PR website - Now with even more 7/Apps!

The word is out. Thanks to Gawker blogging about it, Perez Hilton tweeting a catty remark in regards to it, and Lady Gaga wearing an outfit made entirely from computer screens displaying it, you’ve by now heard that AM:PM PR has a new website.

First of all, we want to make it clear that this isn’t how we wanted to roll out the new site. We wanted you to find out by us telling you about it right here. But, as the recent media circus has made undeniable, the cat’s out of the bag. We might as well address a number of questions/misconceptions that have already popped up in our conversations with the media.

Claim: The website is based on complex numerology decoded from a previously unpublished section of “The Wu-Tang Manual.”

Reality: This is true.

Claim: Using AM:PM PR’s website can help cure depression, freshen breath while you read.

Reality: Again, this is true. Perhaps we’ll move on to some misconceptions.

1x1.trans | New website causes media sensation, freshens breath while you read

Surgeon General's Warning: Staring at pictures of Alexis too long can make you go cross-eyed.

Claim: Staring directly into Alexis’ eyes in the group shot on the homepage can make you go cross-eyed.

Reality: OK, also true, but only in extreme cases. This isn’t going well. Let’s give it one more shot.

Claim: This website revamping is a shameless promotional ploy for Pat’s upcoming, last-minute presidential run.

Reality: While Pat does have designs on world domination, and his common-sense perspective would certainly make for a refreshing alternative to some other candidates we might name, he won’t be running for president. At least not in 2012.

Speaking of Pat, stay tuned to this site for his upcoming blog post, which will offer an in-depth look at our new package-pricing system, and how we think that it will help us help you to reach what science has coined “maximum awesometude.”

In the meantime, know this:

- Yes, our new site will better emphasize the strategic relationship we have with ace app developers 7/Apps.

- No, you won’t be able to control our new website with your mind, a la Clint Eastwood’s jet in the film “Firefox.”

1x1.trans | New website causes media sensation, freshens breath while you read

You can't control our website with your mind, but we highly suggest you make a YouTube video of yourself trying really, really hard.

- Yes, site design and navigation have both been improved, creating an experience that one critic has called, “THE feel-good action-packed romantic rollercoaster thrillride of this year or any other.”

- No, no McCormicks were harmed during the making of the new site. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.

- Yes, you will still have access to all the same great videos, hyperlocal storytelling, and dangerously sharp snark as before, but now it will have 30% less MSG.

- No, we haven’t yet made a sequel to our galaxy-famous “We’re Better at PR Than Breakdancing” video, but when we do, Variety is reporting that it will be called, “We’re Better at PR Than Breakdancing 2: Electric Flakaloo.”

Stay tuned, friends, family and cabal mates. The future is now, but we’re only leaking it one day at a time.

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One Response to New website causes media sensation, freshens breath while you read

  1. Jake forgot two important points. First, the hard work of cobbling together our collection ideas into this new site was done by our own tech genius who doesn’t want to be a web designer, Cam Clark. Second, Jake wrongly indicated I am not a candidate for president in 2012. In fact, I will become president of the Portland City Club in June – an important stepping stone to world domination.

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